Fear

Oh, when will I ever be free

Of all this fear holding tight to me

And this scared little boy inside

Who is always ready to run and hide?

Fog

Where did all this fog come from?

Seeping into my soul

Dim and grey and lifeless

And making me so cold

No matter how I struggle

and try to push it away

It just eddies all about

then comes right back to stay

I can't see where I'm going

I don't know where I've been

I'm just lost here in this mist

with its dampness on my skin

I hope the sun will come out

and burn it all away

For now I'll just wander

and try to find my way

Black Snake Moan

I went for a run yesterday morning in the park behind my house. There is a really nice trail there that goes through a meadow and wetlands, under grand, spreading trees and by the river. It is also nice because one lap around the trail is pretty close to a mile...makes it easy to measure your distance (okay, okay...it's under a mile and I have a tendency to round up...so shoot me). It was a beautiful morning for a run and I was thoroughly enjoying myself. I had made several laps around and was feeling 'in the zone', which may explain why, when I came around one of the turns, I almost trod right on a great, big, black snake. He was laying stretched out across the trail and seemed to just be sunning himself, as he wasn't moving. I have been running this trail a lot in the last couple years and I had never seen a snake out there. This was quite a snake too...had to be more than 3 feet long and had quite a girth. He was a very shiny black color and looked very intimidating. But, since he was a black snake and I have always heard that they are harmless, I just side stepped around him and continued on my way. As I passed him, he didn't even seem to take notice of me. When I came around on my next lap, I was surprised to see that he was gone. I just chalked it up as one of those 'interesting things that happened on my run' stories.

Then, around six last night, I went up to the office at my apartment complex to pick up some packages that had been delivered there. Usually I drive up, but decided that I could use a walk. When I turned down the path that leads to the side door of the office, I noticed that there was a group of people just inside the door. The gym is right there, so I just figured that they knew each other, maybe had just finished at the gym, and were standing there talking. When I got to just a few steps from the door, I realized they were looking out...and down. I glanced down and, right where I was about to step, there was another very large, black snake. This one also was just laying there calmly, so I stepped around it and went in the door. When I left, a few minutes later, he was gone with no sign he had been there. Two big, black snakes trying to get me to step on them in one day seemed a bit odd, so I told myself that I should try to look up the spiritual meaning of snakes...but, when I got home, I opened my packages and got absorbed in them so I forgot about the snakes.

I don't usually dream...at least I don't usually remember my dreams. However, last night I had a dream of a big, black snake. I don't remember the details, but when I woke up I had the feeling that it was significant. I realize that seeing two snakes in one day could just be a coincidence and, after seeing them, dreaming of a snake may not be all that surprising. But, I was left with the feeling that there was some kind of message for me or some meaning behind it and that I should at least see what google had to say about it. Here is what the first hit had to say:

In writing about Snake Symbolism, Gillian Holloway, Ph.D. wrote, "People who are dying or who have lost a loved one often dream of snakes, at or near the time of death. For whatever reason, these dreams seem involved with the psychic awareness of the transition from this life to the next...."

Hmm...and this all happened just about a week away from the one year anniversary of my mom's death...interesting, no?

Happy Birthday!

Birthdays are a special time,

A time to reminisce.

A time to think what life has brought,

All the sadness and the bliss.

A time for celebrating,

With those that we hold dear

All the things in life that shaped us

And brought us another year.

I hope your day is special

You deserve all the best,

Surrounded by love and laughter

With a life that's truly blessed.

A Look Back...My Newfoundland Journal

I spent a week in Newfoundland a few years ago. I went there to run the marathon and spent the week prior just driving around the country, seeing what I could see. This trip was a lot of firsts for me...first time to Newfoundland, first time running a marathon in another country, first vacation with no real reservations or plans, and it was the first time I have ever kept a journal. I was doing some cleaning this past weekend and stumbled across that journal. I read through the entries and was able, in some small part, to recapture the wonderful, fresh, and exciting feeling that I had on that trip. I decided I wanted to share that feeling if I could, or, failing that, at least provide some entertainment. So, to that end, here is my Newfoundland journal...

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9/10/2007

I spent the morning at the North Atlantic Aviation Museum. Kind of interesting and I think I got some good pictures. Also went to the Tourist Center/Chamber of Commerce to get some maps. Interesting that many places appear to have free internet service for customer use. You never see that in the States. Still no sign of my luggage…called to check on it but got someone in India who was just reading a script. I hate that! Stopped at a dollar store to buy this notebook and picked up a Mars bar. It’s just a Milky Way in a different wrapper, go figure. Resisted the urge to buy a Big Turk…can always get one later. Think now I will run by the airport to see if that yields better results.

Well, no luggage yet, but it may be on its way. It’s hard to be upset with the Air Canada people because they are so nice. I had a very pleasant conversation with them about things to do while I’m in Newfoundland. Seems there is a possibility I will see some bear and moose…how cool is that? Now I’m going to grab some lunch and then head to the Silent Witness Memorial (a memorial for the troops and crew who lost their lives in the worst air disaster ever on Canadian soil). Hopefully, after that, my luggage will be here.

The memorial was nice, down by Lake Gander. It started to rain, but not too badly. I also stopped at the Howe Demonstration Forest and hiked a couple of trails there. There was a sign warning that moose and bear had been sighted, but I didn’t see any *sigh*. The visitors’ center had some cool stuffed animals…lynx, fox, coyote (we’re talking taxidermy here, not plush toys). They were very life-like, so I got some pics of them. I stopped for lunch at McDonalds, not sure why I didn’t go someplace better. Now it’s time to check on my luggage again. I really hope it is there now.

Well...things are not going smoothly. My luggage has disappeared without a trace. I am giving up and heading to St Alban's...if they find my luggage; it will be sent to me.

Yay! My luggage was found and I will get it in the morning. Newfoundland is so beautiful, all pine trees and water. The only annoying thing is that the roads have no shoulder, so there is no way to pull over and take pictures.

St Alban’s is really beautiful in a picturesque bay kind of way. People here are so friendly. Just spent a bit of time with Claude, the bartender at the Pub Lounge, and had a great conversation. He even gave me my 2nd beer free. Came back to the Inn and, even though the restaurant was closed, they made me a sandwich and fries that were delicious. I love this place.

OMG! I just saw something you never see in the States anymore. A car pulled up to the local gas station and an attendant actually came out to pump the gas…amazing! The thing you really notice in St Alban’s at night is how dark and quiet it is. I don’t think I have experienced quiet like this since I was in the mountains at Virginia Tech. It is so wonderful.

I went back to the Pub for a couple more beers and a little video poker. Had fun and enjoyed the Molson Canadian.


9/11/2007

Darn it! I got up this morning and no sign of my luggage. I’m gonna have to buy clothes if it doesn’t show up soon…I’m sick of wearing the same thing.

I just had an excellent breakfast at the Inn. Now I think I will do some more exploring and get some pictures.

Finished exploring and came back to the Inn to find that my bag still wasn’t here. Decided to walk up the road to Riff’s to buy a shirt…really tired of the one I am wearing. Came back to the Inn, changed into my new shirt and got lunch. Of course, now that I had broken down and bought a shirt, my bag decided to show up. Oh well, I’m just glad to have it. I meandered down the road and stopped for a beer and a chat with Claude. He told me that St Alban’s is known for raising beautiful girls. Tonight is ladies dart night, but Claude thinks all the hot girls are off to school…but their moms will be there. Since I am here tonight, I guess I won’t want to miss it. Went down to the library to check my email…looks like the world is surviving without me. This is such an incredibly peaceful place, I am doing just fine without the world as well. Think now I will go for a little drive around.

Drove around a bit and got some good pictures. Stopped and finally got that Big Turk bar…mm-mm. Came back to the Inn and planned the next part of my journey. I like it here but it is getting to be time to move on. Before that happens though, I am going to check out ladies dart night at the Pub.


9/12/2007

Wow! Ladies dart night kicked my butt. Of course, that could have something to do with the two shots of Screech that I drank. I bought one just to see what all the fuss was about and Claude threw in the second one for free. He said that two was my limit though…and it’s a good thing. The ladies of the aforementioned dart night didn’t really trust me at first because of my camera (guess they don’t get too many tourists here), but by the end of the night, we were all fast friends. I even met the mayor and got invited to her husband’s 50th birthday party in November. She asked me to stop by her office in the morning because she liked some of the pictures I had taken of the town and wanted to get copies. It seems that she is not just the mayor, but also works at the Coast of Bays Arts & Exploration Centre. I’m definitely feeling fuzzy this morning (thanks Screech) but it is time to move on.

Left St Alban’s and headed north. I did stop by the Centre and got the mayor’s card with her email address to send pictures. She was very nice (and perhaps a bit worse for the late night), gave me a tour and let me watch a short movie on the Coast of Bays. Said my goodbyes and headed on my way. I drove for a while and found that I needed a pit stop, so I took a random exit and ended up in Norris Arm North. It was very pretty, being right on the water and all, but not much there…and no bathroom. Got back on the highway and found that the very next exit was the one I wanted, the one that led to Twillingate. Of course, there were all kinds of places to stop off that exit. Could have saved myself some time and some bladder stress if I had come straight to this exit…but then, I guess I wouldn’t have seen Norris Arm. I used the bathroom at Tim Horton’s and then had lunch there. Gassed up and headed out on the road again. Made a couple of stops for pictures, during one of which I met a nice couple who said not to miss the Twillingate lighthouse. Continued on and finally made it to Twillingate. The town was a typical waterside village…very scenic with a nautical flair. Headed to the lighthouse and was amazed when I got there. It was like the end of the earth…sheer cliffs and then nothing but ocean. I scrambled around on all the trails and took a slew of photos. The sun was out and the weather was gorgeous. I actually needed to shed my jacket due to the warmth. It was a welcome change after cold rain all morning. I stayed in Twillingate for a couple of hours just taking pictures and soaking it in. As the sun sank beautifully below the horizon, I decided it was time for me to move on to my next destination, Salvage (rhymes with rage).

I made it to Gander, about an hour from Salvage, but too tired to go on. Got a room at the Sinbad for the night and will head to Salvage in the morning. So, the Sinbad advertised a business center, which the desk clerk told me was a room with a computer, fax machine, and copier. I went to check my email but found that the computer was gone. The monitor, keyboard, and mouse were all there and the cables were all unplugged and laying on the floor, but no sign of the CPU. Discouraged at this, I went to the bar, but I did not have a drink…not after the extravaganza of ladies dart night last night. Played a little video poker and really cleaned up. I put $20 in and got $48 out…not bad, hunh? Then it was definitely time for bed.

A couple of notes on Canada…or Newfoundland anyway:

1. People walk everywhere. There are always people out walking along the road. I thought maybe they did it in St Alban’s because it is such a small town, but seems to be true everywhere.

2. Bathroom light switches are outside of the bathroom. I have yet to find a light switch in a bathroom. Makes sense I guess, as you never have to walk into a dark room.

3. Housekeeping means efficiency. When I was checking in at the Sinbad, the clerk said all she had was housekeeping. I pictured myself sleeping amidst piles of sheets and towels, but she meant a room with a stove and fridge.


9/13/2007

I slept really well…although I did have some strange dreams. One was a very odd episode of Magnum PI where Higgins ended up in a cage with a woman wearing a blanket. Luckily, I woke up before it got any more bizarre. Now I think it is time to see about breakfast and head to Salvage.

Drove to Salvage and found the hiking trails. I spent several hours going up and down the surrounding hills. I saw some incredible views and captured it all on camera. It was so much fun that I thoroughly enjoyed myself. On the way out of town, I found the beach (Salvage is supposed to be a beach town). I didn’t think it looked like much of a beach, but I took a few pictures and met a nice woman who was enjoying the day reading in the sun. I bade farewell to her and to the beach, and headed toward the town of Trinity.

On the road to Trinity, AOL called me. Seems there was some kind of problem at work. Great! That’s just what I wanted, to talk to work. After struggling to find a signal in the rough hills between Salvage and Trinity, I was able to lend what assistance I could and then continued on to Trinity.

Arrived in Trinity and got a room at one of the B&B’s in town. It was called Bishop White Manor and I was in no less than the Bishop White room itself, which apparently features the bishop’s very own bed. I took a walk around the town to see the sights and found Trinity to be a very quaint, cute little town.

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Unfortunately, it was at that point that I, for some reason I no longer remember, stopped keeping a travel journal. I hope that the few days that I have detailed and the links that I provided have in some way shown what an amazing time I had on this trip...or maybe they have kindled an interest in taking your own trip to Newfoundland. In any case, I hope you enjoyed reading my journal (Lord knows, you must have to make it all the way to here) and may all your journeys be awesome adventures.

Mmm...Fritos and Mountain Dew

I posted this on Facebook a few days ago but I like it so much I figured I would put it on my blog as well:

A Look Back at the Year of the Ox

According to the Chinese Zodiac, 2009 was the year of the Ox (or Buffalo). Here is what I found out about an Ox year...

We will feel the yoke of responsibility coming down on us this year. No success can be achieved without conscientious efforts. The trials and tribulations the Ox year brings will be mainly on the home front. It is a good time to settle domestic affairs and put your house in order.

This year will no doubt bear fruit, but the motto is: "No work, no pay!" Time waits for no man; if we are too lazy to sow then we can blame no one if we have nothing to reap. We will find a great many things requiring our attention, and the list of what needs to be done will seem endless. The Spartan influence of the Ox will be a constantly cracking whip over our heads. Better to apply oneself diligently than waste time arguing with the authorities. They will prevail, as the year of the Ox favors discipline.

Most conflicts this year will arise more from a lack of communication and refusal to give in on small technicalities than anything else. But hang on and be patient. Everything will be sorted out and we will be rewarded for our efforts.

So let's just take a closer look at my Ox Year...here is a month by month listing of events, milestones, and various and sundry "stuff":

January

• Vertical Tasting - My very first vertical, Breaux's Cabernet, and I am sure it will not be the last. What's not to love...excellent wine, great company, and...my goodness...there is a lot of wine to taste.
• The Darkest Day - My spirit was broken and my heart was shattered, but something inside of me was freed...this is when I started to really write poetry again.

February

• The Dark Continent - Headed to Africa for an incredible safari, my birthday on Mt Kilimanjaro, and beach time on Zanzibar...not to mention the massages, tarot readings, and fire ceremony. Shared a room with someone who started out as a complete stranger (no, that isn't commentary on how odd they were) and ended up as an awesome friend.
• Miami Bound - Headed south for warm weather and a workshop on an energy system that was new to me. Made it about half way through before I realized I needed to flee or risk becoming part of a cult.

March

• Opportunity Knocks - Yes, after a glorious year and a half without a job...I mean, seriously, does anyone else do unemployed as well as I do...I was made an offer I couldn't refuse and rejoined the work force. Good grief! I hate being a productive member of society.
• The End of a Career - When the aforementioned job started, I had to say goodye to my career as a massage therapist before it even began. Not to worry though, my hands are still magic and are available on a pro bono basis.

April

• The Enneagram - I discovered this amazing system of the nine basic personality types of human nature and their complex interrelationships. I learned a lot about myself and my patterns. I'm a Type 9...The Easygoing, Self-Effacing Type: Receptive, Reassuring, Agreeable, and Complacent...no, really...I am.
• American Odyssey Relay - Participated in a twelve person relay race from Gettysburg, PA to Washington, DC. Lessons learned: don't try running after wolfing down a quarter pounder with cheese and fries, don't try to sustain a 7 minute mile pace while running uphill, don't miss a turn in the darkness of the overnight runs, never forget to bring along a sleeping bag, and...200 mile relay runs are an incredible amount of fun, especially when you are running with awesome people.

May

• Healing Touch - Had my first experience with this energy healing that would later have a huge impact on my life. It brought about very subtle but amazing changes in my body, mind, and spirit...thanks Stacy!
• Road Trip to Denver - Made a cross country road trip with a good friend. It was basically a non-stop blur, except for a brief stop in St Louis. Highlights of the trip were the City Museum (an eclectic mixture of children's playground, funhouse, surrealistic pavilion, and architectural marvel made out of unique, found objects), Pappy's Smokehouse (mmm...the Big Ben), and Nederland (otherwise known as Hippieville).
• Erin Go Bragh - Took my first real trip to Europe and went to Dublin for two weeks of "training" for work. Hung out at the Hairy Lemon pub, saw the Book of Kells (even more amazing in person!), and visited the Guiness Storehouse...I have said it before and I'll say it again...the Guiness is so much better over there.

June

• Beach Wedding - Headed to Florida to see my niece married on Pensacola Beach. What could be better than nuptials amongst the sand and surf? Attending with one of my very best friends, that's what.
• Healing Touch Class - I so enjoyed my Healing Touch sessions, I decided to learn how to be a practitioner. What an amazing, energy-filled, healing weekend!

July

• End of an Era - After a very long battle, my mother succombed to breast cancer. While this saddens me greatly, I was able to ease her pain with some Healing Touch and so shared a moment with her that I will remember for ever.

August

• Sailing Takes Me Away - Helped my friend sail his boat from Shoansy in Deltaville, VA back to Washington Marina in DC. With our brave and sure skipper and our amazing motley crew, we managed to survive the stairs of doom, the Shoansy bear, the vagaries of the wind, and, worst of all, Dragon Joose.
• My New Roommate - An old friend of mine, Keone, came to live with me. Unlike other women, she and I don't fight over the bathroom...but she does lose more hair than most.

September

• Jimmy Buffett - Discovered the secret to really enjoying this concert...keep tailgating! Cheaper drinks, comfortable seats, music at a tolerable level, and, best of all, took only two minutes to get out of the parking lot. Nothing says Buffett like gallon jugs of tequila and kitty litter toilets.
• U2 - Got club level seats from work for the 360° tour. One of the most amazing shows I have ever seen on a stage that holds the world record for the largest concert structure. One valuable lesson learned...if it is cold outside and the drinks are on the bus, stay on the bus.

October

• Swine Flu - Had a little visit from H1N1. Got me out of a week of work, but I would hardly say it was worth it.
• Marine Corps Marathon - Did not have a great race as I had muscle spasms around mile 21 and had to walk quite a bit. On the plus side, I raised money for St Judes...and started the great Chuck Norris debate.

November

• 5k Mania - Ran three 5k's the week of Thanksgiving, with two of them being on the same day. Managed to do very well, posting sub sevens in two and just slightly higher in the other...however, I did end up with a bit of an injury.
• Orphan's Thanksgiving - Joined some friends who were not going to spend Thanksgiving with family for a potluck dinner. Had a fanshmabulous time and one of the best Thanksgivings ever.

December

• Vegas, Baby - Went with a group of friends to Las Vegas to run the Rock n' Roll Half Marathon. Had a great time at the race, visited the grand Canyon in a helicopter, saw Cirque du Soleil's O, and, best of all, played UFO Stomper (think Guitar Hero for the feet).
• O, Canada! - Took off for the great white north to visit a friend and see the sights of Toronto. Visited the Hockey Hall of Fame (saw the Stanley Cup), went to the top of the CN Tower (the world's highest observation deck), got to wander and wonder around the shores of Lake Ontario, and finally got to see Niagara Falls. Resisted the urge to go over the falls and was able to smuggle back some Tim Horton goods.
• Charlottesville Blizzard - Went to Charlottesville for the weekend to see a shaman and visit some wineries. Was amazed by the shaman but the wineries never happened due to the excessive amount of snow that came hurtling out of the sky. The weekend was not a total loss though...got snowed in at the best B&B with the best backgammon partner ever.
• Christmas - Had the orphans over to my place for a Christmas brunch, mimosas, and gifts all around...not the least of which was sharing the pleasure of each other's company. This marked the first time I have ever had people over on Christmas and, while I can't speak for everyone, I thought it was marvelous fun.
• New Year's Eve - I had the most wonderful New Year's Eve ever! You just can't go wrong with a tux, a bottle of Dom, and six of the loveliest ladies ever.

Hmm...trials and tribulations on the home front...no work, no pay!...the sowing and the reaping...a constantly cracking whip over my head...I see all of that in my year, and it made most of the year very unpleasant if not downright miserable. Thankfully, I was able to hang on and be patient (well, for the most part), everything seems to have sorted itself out, and I definitely feel that I was rewarded with how the year ended...although I don't think it was from my efforts.