My 25 Random Facts

1. On employment applications I often mark that I am an Alaskan Native…I figure this is okay cause I was born in Adak…besides, I abhor political correctness.


2. When I was a teenager, I was a magician. I was in the Magician’s Union, performed in an amateur magic show and loved all things magical.


3. I really do believe that I live a semi-charmed life. It is never easy and definitely not perfect, but things always seem to work out for me in the end.


4. When I lived in Florida, I was an assistant greenskeeper on a golf course. I learned all about grass and its care, got my pesticide license, and considered this as a career…but it all came tumbling down one day when I drove a greens mower into a lake.


5. I am very sensitive and emotional…I cry all the time…over movies, books, pictures, a beautiful sunrise…but mostly over other people’s sorrows and joys…guess that has something to do with me being an empath.


6. I didn’t take up running until 2001 and my first race was that year’s Marine Corps Marathon. I have now run around 50 races, between 15 and 20 of them were marathons and one of those I ran with a broken leg (not a good idea). Now running is a spiritual practice for me that helps me to stay grounded and touch the Divine.


7. I have always been interested in photography. I was on the yearbook staff in high school, had my own darkroom, and have owned a camera for as long as I can remember…but it is only recently that I have thought that I may have a talent for it.


8. I don’t really like TV so I hardly ever watch it…but I LOVE movies.


9. I was a huge fan of the original Star Trek TV series. I saw every episode and even tried to tape them (with a tape recorder, there were no VCRs back then). I also tried to become as Vulcan as possible by repressing all my emotions and replacing them with intellect and logic…no idea how much damage that did to me.


10. I have always wanted to go to Greece and yet I never have.


11. As a child I was a voracious reader and was always reading books well above my grade level. I credit reading with improving my spelling and vastly expanding my vocabulary.


12. I have been a stock boy, a fast food cook, a greenskeeper, an office cleaner, a hotel clerk, a book keeper, and a software engineer…looks as if massage therapist is next (much to my mom’s chagrin).


13. I have been in jail…more than once…I don’t recommend it.


14. Through no talent of my own, I have narrowly escaped death on several occasions…all part of my semi-charmed life.


15. I love poetry. When I was in my 20’s, I used to write poems myself but stopped for some reason. I have recently started again, although I think most of what I write isn’t very good.


16. I don’t know where it came from, but I have a love for all things medieval. That is why I have a collection of knives, swords, and dragons.


17. I used to try to meditate but always had problems…felt that I was doing it wrong, getting the wrong results, or just worried about wasting time. Recently, I stopped “trying” and I just meditate…and have had some amazing experiences.


18. I think J.R.R. Tolkien’s The Lord of the Rings may be the best book of all time.


19. Back in the late 90’s, I was vegan for more than a year. I felt great and had lots of energy but fell off the wagon…and have never seemed to be able to get back on.


20. My father and grandfather were both also named Clyde. If I ever have a son, his name will not be Clyde.


21. Until my Jeep, which is silver, all of my cars have either been green or red. I have had a 1972 VW 411 (green…and then later camouflage), a 1977 Toyota Celica (green), a 1989 Ford Probe (red), a 1995 Honda Civic (red), and a 2001 Saleen S281 (red). All of these vehicles have had standard transmission.


22. For years, I had to wear a suit to work every day. I really grew to hate them. Now, I avoid them at all costs…except my tux…tuxes are special.


23. I took golf lessons when I was a teenager, but I have never played…unless you count mini-golf.


24. When I die, I don’t want to be buried or cremated…I want to be placed on a pyre. I have actually done research and found that this can be done as long as the medical examiner gives his consent.


25. I like to take long, relaxing baths with burning incense, candlelight, soft music and a good book.

Winds of Change

Like the wail of a banshee on a cold, dark night

the winds of change shatter the calm of my life

No matter how hard I struggle and fight

they urge me on like the point of a knife

Yet if I embrace the changes they bring

with an open mind and a willing heart

then like the gentle breezes of spring

they lift me up to a brand new start

In to Africa

So, I am off on another grand adventure...this time to the Dark Continent for a safari, a climb up Mt Kilimanjaro, and chillin' on the beach in Zanzibar. I will be gone for a couple weeks, so there will be no new posts for a while...but feel free to go back and read old posts and comment to your hearts content.

Now, not to be a pessimist, but with a very long plane ride and a climb up to a very frigid 20,000 feet, things could happen. That being the case, I wanted to take this opportunity to send some things out into the ether and to the hearts and minds of the various people involved.

First, to anyone that I have hurt, insulted, slighted, belittled, ignored, or in any other way mistreated, my sincerest apologies. These slights, whether intentional or not, do not point out your shortcomings, rather they point out flaws in my character. It is my intention to be more aware of how I treat people and not let my "stuff" affect that treatment. I hope that if you find yourself in this group of people, you can forgive me and help me to stay on target with this intention.

Next, to anyone who thinks that they have hurt me or given me some reason to be upset with them, all is forgiven and forgotten. Life is far too short to waste time and energy on depressed sulking, silly grudges and hurtful anger. With all the wonderfully different people on this Earth, there is bound to be some friction now and again, but we are all just trying to make our way along the path of our journey. It is my intention to allow any slights I am given to just flow over me and away, never allowing them to take root.

Finally, to all my friends and family, I just want you to know that I love you more than I can say. I'm not always the best person at staying in touch or showing people how important they are to me. However it may appear, you are all always on my mind and in my heart. You are the people who have made me who I am, guided me along my way and picked me up when I fell down. You've loved me when I didn't deserve it and shown me the good in myself when I couldn't see it. You've been with me to celebrate my good times and to console me through my bad times. I can't thank you enough or repay all of your kindnesses, so I will just send love out to all of you and let you know that you have made a difference in my life.

Whew! That was not exactly how I envisioned this post going, but it feels right and I feel better having said it. I wish all the best for all of you...have fun...take care...and I will see you when I return to regale you with tales of my adventures.

A Mother's Love

Is there anything more pure or powerful than a mother's love? I was meditating today and thoughts of mothers and their love drifted into my mind. Not sure if it is because my mom's health is going downhill, because I told a story about my mom yesterday (one of the ones below), or for some other reason, but I felt a need to post something about mothers. Never having been a mother (or father either for that matter), I have never experienced the love they have for their children from their perspective but I have definitely been on the receiving end. I know that my mom loves me in a million little ways every day of her life, but here are two somewhat dramatic, somewhat entertaining (and scary at the time, let me tell you) examples of her love and just two of the many reasons why I owe my life to my mom:

When I was very young...I would guess around two...my family went to the beach. I don't remember what beach, just that it was a beach (I was 2 for pete's sake, give me a break). I was fascinated by the way the ocean would lap at the shore. I would follow it out and then back in, laughing all the way. Then something very unexpected happened...I was at a point where I was closer to the surf when a larger wave then usual broke right in front of me. I was thrown off my feet and tossed around in the water like a cork. I started to be pulled out into the ocean and to take on water, coughing and crying all at the same time. Then suddenly, miraculously, two hands reached down from the heavens and lifted me back up into the life giving air. My mom had been keeping an eye on me, had seen me go down, and had sprinted into the ocean to rescue me. If not for her, I have no doubt I would not have made it.

A few years later, my mom and I were at Sears. No idea what we were there for, but, whatever it was, it was upstairs. We got on the escalator and started to ride up to the second floor. Let me pause here for a moment to say that, as a child, I was afraid of stairs. I know that I fell down the stairs at our house at least once, but whether this instilled the fear or the fear caused me to fall, I don't know. I just know that I was afraid of stairs. Now, back to our story...as we neared the end of our ride on the escalator, I noticed the jaws of death at the very top (also known as an escalator comb plate). I was scared and fascinated at the way it "ate" the stairs as they got close. I knew that I would have to jump over this terrifying thing and that timing was critical. Unfortunately, knowing and doing are two different things. I waited too long, my foot hit the comb plate and knocked me off balance causing me to fall backwards. Next thing I know, I am being eaten by this demon staircase. First the machinery ripped and ate my pants and then began to work on my flesh. Blood began to flow and I started to scream. I'm not sure what my mom did, whether she hit a stop button or just pulled me free by brute force, but I know that she saved me once again.

So, I'm sending out love and a big hug to my mom and all mothers everywhere and declaring today Appreciate-a-Mom Day. No greeting card or gift necessary, just let your mom or any mom know that they are appreciated and loved. They make the world a better place for us, so let's show them that they mean the world to us.

What Do You See?

My So-Called Life

So how does one go about changing their life? How do you go from one end of the spectrum to the other...and survive the process? A year ago, I was a Software Engineer (alright, so I was unemployed but I still considered myself a Software Engineer). Now...well, now I'm not quite sure what I am.

I have spent most of my life learning rules and trying to follow them, trying to do things "right", submitting to those I looked at as authorities. When I was a teenager, I admired the Vulcan, Mr Spock, and even tried to emulate him, suppressing emotion and being ruled by logic. Since I have always been an emotional person, it seems strange, but my life became all about rules, analysis, and logic. Maybe that's why computer programming spoke to me and I excelled at it. For a long time, I enjoyed programming and found it fulfilling. For years I thought I was doing my life's calling. I had a successful career and a high paying job. I was respected at work, admired even, for my abilities. But in recent years, it all seemed to turn sour. Whether it was a change in myself or a change in the work, I don't know. I just know that I no longer felt happy or fulfilled. I found my work dull, boring, draining...soul-sucking even. This is why getting laid off at the end of 2007 was one of the best things that has ever happened to me.

Since then, I have been exploring, trying to find myself and my place in the world. I have traveled a bit (some would say a lot) which I think has broadened me and made me more open to different people, different cultures, and different ideas. I have read about, dabbled in, and trained in various spiritual practices: meditation, intuition, shamanism, energy healing. Somewhere along the way the seed of an idea was planted...that I could be an intuitive healer and open a healing center. A safe, welcoming place where people could come for healing and learning about spirit. A place that would provide guidance for people like me to transition from their old life to a new soul centered spiritual life. I have been taking steps to further this goal...I'm going to massage therapy school, I'm taking courses to strengthen my intuition, I'm enrolled in an upcoming energy healing seminar, and starting to look at what it takes to open and run a business. Even though I have this vision and I have been taking steps and moving in a direction to bring it to fruition, I am full of doubts...and I am scared.

I long to be open and free and creative, full of energy and fire, helping people, with a passion for something that makes a difference.

But I am scared.

I have started down this path and at times it feels so right that it resonates in my soul and gives me a warm, glowing feeling.

But I am scared.

I have received more confirmation than I ever thought possible - from friends, mentors, my own spirit, and the universe itself - that the changes I am making and the path I am on are leading me to a higher consciousness and the fulfillment of my soul's purpose.

But I am scared.

Why am I so scared? What am I scared of?

I'm scared that I'll discover it's all been a big mistake, that I have just been fooling myself. I'm scared that I will end up with no money, no job, no home, and no place to go. I'm scared that I will find myself all alone in a purgatory between worlds, too far changed to go back to my old life and unable to complete the journey to the new one. I'm scared that I will fail, that I wont be good enough or strong enough...that I just wont be enough. Maybe subconsciously, I'm scared of other things too...scared of succeeding, scared that I will be enough, scared of my own power, scared of letting go.

I don't know how my life will turn out, even in the short term I am unclear. I seem to make progress toward this new life I have envisioned for myself and then fall back in fear and doubt. I seem to be confused about exactly who I am...I don't seem to fit my old identity anymore, and it feels as if my new identity is still forming. It makes for some very confusing, hard times. So far, I have been able to persevere and continue pushing myself further on this journey. There are times though, when I think I will just give up and try to go back to my old life as a programmer. I hope I don't, that just feels wrong now. At times I feel excited, certain, and purpose driven, but mostly I feel unclear and unsure. Unsure of who I am, unsure of what I am doing, and unsure of where I am going.

There is one thing that I am sure of though...I don't want to be scared anymore.

The Ballad of Sir Galahad

There once was a knight, gallant, brave and true

gentle and loving, through and through
Perhaps a bit off-center and misguided too
He'd sacrifice himself in a moment just for you

Once sworn to a lady he would never repent
He'd defend and succor her till all energy was spent
He'd give of his own, never counting the cost
Never giving up, even when all hope was lost

But time wears down the hardiest of souls
His sword grew notched, his armour full of holes
One day came a blow he hadn't expected
Pierced through the heart he had left unprotected

In a flash of knowing, he realized his mistake
This ache in his heart was more than he could take
He took off his armour and threw down his sword
Just a broken down man, a knight no more