This Magic Moment

Often times I wonder

How my life would be

If each new day began

A clean new slate for me

No pains from the past

To haunt me in my present

No worries for the future

To spoil my content

There'd only be this moment

This current, present Now

A constant state of Being

Of flowing with the Tao

I know one day I'll find it

And live that kind of life

One that's full of joy

And always free of strife

Cause everything I need

Is here inside of me

Waiting for me to realize

Only I can set me free

The Phoenix

Broken, battered,
Bruised, and sore
My poor heart
Can take no more

Its flame's gone out
The light grows dim
So much pain
Life just seems grim

But then a change
When least expected
Remembered hope
Has me resurrected

Like a phoenix
From the ashes
My heart revives
In fits and flashes

Before I know it
It's burning bright
Lighting my way
Pushing back the night

I follow along
As it leads the way
To a better place
And a brand new day

There and Back Again

I went for a run in the park today. At one point, a squirrel broke out of the bushes on the side of the trail and started to scurry across the path. It crossed just a few feet in front of me, and then, sensing that there could be danger, it ran back across and into the bushes from which it had come. This really got me wondering. The squirrel had already made it across my path...it actually put itself in more danger by crossing in front of me again to go back. How often do we do this? We use our instinct, following our hearts and pursuing our dreams, when we sense what we think may be danger. We immediately think that the way to safety is to go back...to stop who we are becoming and go back to who we were. Why do we never realize that there can be safety in forging on and moving forward?

Something else that I noticed on my run was how beautiful everything was. Of course the trees were beautiful, swaying in the breeze and glowing green from the sunlight. But there was beauty in the decaying remains of a fallen tree too. The brown spotted leaves of one tree may have appeared to be a blemish on the beauty of the woods at first glance, but, on closer inspection, I saw the miraculously intricate web of a spider spun amongst the leaves. This got me to thinking about the interconnectedness of everything and spun the following poem from the gossamer of my thoughts:

World Wide Web

The world is a web through which we're connected

Through the action of one we are all affected

You can not escape, struggle as you might

This web which you are in holds on too tight

Yet its embrace is soft and gentle as a kiss

To be connected thus, can bring true bliss

There's no poison bite, no venomous sting

Coursing through this web, love is the thing

Loving yourself is most important of all

Don't feel insignificant, don't feel small

For when you give yourself love, it radiates out

Starts as a whisper and builds to a shout

Its ripples are felt all the way to infinity

It reminds us all to reach for our divinity

So always remember, treat yourself with respect

Be mindful of others, for we all connect

Each action you take across the web will disperse

And impact us all, for better or worse

Heart Is Where the Home Is

No matter where you go

Wherever you will roam

I hope you always know

in my heart you have a home

A home that's always open
And waiting just for you
Always warm and welcoming
For when you're passing through

Regardless of the length of stay
You're forever welcome here
Visitor or resident
You'll always be held dear

In my heart there are no doors
No bars or locks or keys
No one held against their will
So come and go as you please

I hope that you will come and stay
At least for a goodly while
For when you're there I've not a care
And all I do is smile

If, however, you never come
And stay there not a bit
A home for you will still be there
My heart will never quit.

The Gift

Those of you that know me, know that I have been on something of a quest for the last couple of years. I have researched and investigated many different things, but I have felt especially drawn to something called energy healing. I have looked into several different forms of energy healing, but it wasn't until recently that I felt as if I found something that really clicked with me. Several months ago, I took a class in Healing Touch and really connected with it. Perhaps this was just the right time for me, but at this class was the first time that I was able to sense energy and feel as though I was actually doing something substantial.

Around this same time, my mother was in the final stages of terminal cancer. I wanted desperately to help her, but wasn't sure what I could do. Healing Touch actually has a technique that is supposed to help with transitions (and what transition is greater than that of moving on from this life), but I didn't think my mother would understand or appreciate me standing over her and performing the technique. I talked this over with one of my mentors, and they told me that intention was the primary thing...there was no need to actually perform the technique, just stay grounded and set my intention for the highest good of the person I was working on.

I went to visit my mom on Friday, July 3rd. At this point she was bedridden and, while she could still talk, her voice came out very rough and broken and she rarely finished her thoughts. I went back to her bedroom to visit with her along with my sisters and I tried to do some energy work inconspicuously, but with no luck. After about a half hour or so, I noticed that my left foot was kind of hurting. Nothing drastic, just a pain that I tried to massage away. My mom fell asleep and my sisters and I went out to the kitchen to talk (*** Why is it that all serious conversations take place in the kitchen...is it because knives are near...or maybe because there is always comfort food nearby ***). After a short while, I got up and noticed that I could no longer support my weight on my left foot...I had to limp to get around.

My mom woke up and we all went back to "talk" with her some more. I again tried to do some energy work, this time actually going through the chakra spread (the transition technique) in my mind while I tried to stay grounded and feel the energy. It was no use...this was even worse than before. I could feel nothing and had a really hard time staying grounded. I just kept seeing my mother laying there in pain and couldn't focus. After a short time, she fell asleep again and we all left for the kitchen...with me limping very badly.

After some time visiting with nieces and nephews, sisters and brothers-in-law, I went to say goodbye to my mom, as it was time to leave. My sister and I went back to the bedroom so I could say goodbye. When we walked (and limped) into the bedroom, my mom was writhing around on the bed saying in a rough voice, "Help me, help me...my body...help me." I felt that I couldn't just leave with my mother in such pain, so I stood by her bed and started to pray. My sister was called out of the room for some reason, and, at that moment, my mom lifted her arm in the air. I took her hand in my left hand and placed my right hand on her head. I just let go and tried to allow God's healing energy (what I consider the basis for energy healing) to flow through me. I tried to focus solely on feeling the energy flow between my two hands. Right at the point where I thought I could feel it, I heard a clear, calm voice say, "Thank you!" I looked down and saw that my mom's eyes were wide open, clear, and free of pain. She had stopped writhing on the bed and now just lay there looking at me.

"Thank you," she said again. I stared at her in amazement and awe and she said, "I love you." I bent down, kissed her on the forehead, and told her that I loved her too. "Thank you," she said again, and then looked me in the eyes and said, "I love you , Kip (a family nickname)." Then she smiled...a small smile, but one which had her looking like my mom...like she hadn't looked in years. I smiled at her, told her to stay out of trouble and that I would see her next time. Little did I know that next time would be the following Monday, the day she died.

I don't really know what happened that night at my mom's house...and I don't really care. I know what I think happened, and that is all that matters to me. I know that my mom had been in pain and then she wasn't. I know that my mom and I shared a moment that I will never forget...probably my favorite memory of her. While I believe that I gave her the gift of a moment free of pain, I know that she gave me the gift of that moment...and that is a gift I will carry in my heart for the rest of my life.

Oh...and when I walked away from her bedroom that night, I was no longer limping.

In the Moment...

As I am want to do, I went for a run this morning. I went to the park behind my apartment, where there is a trail that makes a loop that is just about a mile long (this makes judging distance much easier). It is a wonderful trail that goes beside the green, well kept grass of soccer fields and then into the underbrush and band of trees that line the Potomac River. On one of my trips around the circuit, I came to a spot where I saw Rabbit nibbling on some grass. He looked at me, paused a moment, and then darted into the thicket. As I passed by where he had disappeared, I said a friendly hello and continued on my way.

When my next trip around the trail brought me back to that same spot, there was Rabbit, just hanging out munching on his sweet grass. Again, he looked at me, paused, and then hightailed it into the dense underbrush. "Poor fella", I thought, "I'm disturbing him." I tried to send him a message that was something along the lines of "I come in peace" but I didn't think he was in the mood.

Once again I traversed the cycle that the trail provided and, once again, there was Rabbit. He was just as calm as could be, trying to finish his meal. As in the other times, he looked and then ran away. As I went past, the thought occurred to me that this rabbit was just living in the moment. He was able to put the past behind him and go about his daily routine as soon as the danger he perceived was gone. He didn't worry about what had brought this monster into his world and he didn't worry what would happen if this giant, lumbering thing came back. What an amazing way to live! No baggage from the past to haunt me and no worries for the future. All I would have to do is be open to the present moment and anything that it might bring.

On my last time around the loop, I figured Rabbit would be gone since I had finally received the message that he had worked so hard to pass on to me. Imagine my surprise when I rounded the corner and saw that my friend, Rabbit, had come back and, just to ensure that I got the message, he had brought his friend Deer. I had to laugh when I saw that. "I got it...I got it," I said as I went past. I continued on my way home with a lighter heart and an uplifted mind.

Quite the lesson that Rabbit taught me...but, then, it is only right as I was born in the year of Rabbit

Friendship

It seems to me that friendship

Is oft hard to define

Whose meaning are we using?

Is it yours or is it mine?

Some would say a true friend

Is one who's always there

One who will support us

To show they really care

Yet at times we need to stumble

Sometimes to fall down too

A friend who lets this happen

Is still a friend to you

For if we had no trials

And never searched our soul

We'd make no forward progress

Our lives would not be whole

Reason, Season, or Lifetime

To this I say not so

A friend is for the moment

And then we must let go

And if perchance tomorrow

Another moment brings

My friend we'll be together

With no demands or strings

At times we can hurt a friend

While never meaning to

The measure of that friendship

Is if they forgive you

My friendship is not perfect

I'm just a human man

And so I love my friends

In the only way I can

To me they are a treasure

A rare and priceless gem

They're in my heart forever

I hope they know I love them