An Original Poem...

Voices

in the dark, still hours of the night

loneliness settles over me like a shroud

cold as the grave and as heavy as death

with a silence so complete it seems too loud

then the voices begin in their sibilant whisper

telling me things I don't want to believe

you're unloved, unwanted, unneeded, and useless

if you were to die there's no one would grieve

I know these are lies meant to torture my soul

so I block out the voices and send them away

I twist and I turn till I find some repose

let tomorrow be better is all that I pray

I wake to the dawn of a brand new day

full of promise and hope and blessings so great

there's life to live and love to share

but in the darkness, the voices...they wait

What Goes Up Must Come Down

One night my freshman year in college at Virginia Tech my friends and I had gone into town for a night of the usual...a stop in at Greek's Cellar, maybe a trip to Steve's Dogs for the best chili dogs on the planet, and, of course, a visit to Top of the Stairs (if you don't know these places, you were obviously not in Blacksburg in the 80's). Suffice it to say that there was much beer consumed before we called it a night. We made our way back to the dorm and for some reason, my friends felt the need to walk me to my room. I'm sure that was just their way of being good companions and had nothing to do with my level of inebriation.

In any case, I remember us being in the hall outside my room for some reason...maybe I couldn't find my key. I was feeling tired, so I sat down on the floor. Then three guys we didn't know walked past us with a glint in their eyes and a purposeful stride. I immediately bounded up off the floor and started walking with them asking where we were heading. For some strange reason, my friends' civic duty seems to have ended there as they let me wander off with these strangers. Turns out that they were headed to Cassell Coliseum, where the Hokies play basketball. Interestingly enough, they were not going into the coliseum, they were interested in climbing the exterior of the building all the way to the roof.

A word of explaination...Cassell Coliseum is a somewhat shallow, upside down parabola (see picture above) with these massive flying buttresses off to the side (see picture below). The theory was that if you stood back far enough and ran fast enough, you would have enough momentum to get you past the breaking point and could walk up to the roof. Well, I mean to tell you, my three new best friends and I did exactly that. A good running start, making sure to stay on the buttress, and before we knew it, we were on the roof. Oh, the sights we could see...the laughs that we had just knowing that we had gone where few others had dared to tread. It was all joy and happiness until the moment we realized that we had to get down.

In all fairness, I really don't remember how the other guys handled getting down or if they had any trepidation at all. For myself, I was pretty much scared shitless. There seemed to be no way to get down without plummeting to my death. When it finally dawned on me that I would have to get down somehow, I realized that the only way was to carefully make my way back down one of the butresses. So, I started down the only way that seemed to make sense...backward. This was all well and good and seemed to work well until I reached the aforementioned breaking point. Suddenly, I started sliding down toward the ground at an alarming rate. In an effort to slow my descent, I grasped the sides of the buttress with my hands and kneeled down on it. Both my hands and my knees began to hurt, but I did make it to the ground without losing life or limb. I checked myself over and saw that my hands were a bit torn up and the knees of my jeans were completely ripped out. Ah well...a small price to pay to bodly go where no man has gone before.

Afterward: I never did see those three gentleman again...course, then again, I probably wouldn't recognize them if I did.

After Afterward: I have since heard that the university has installed security measures to ensure that no crazy students attempt this stunt...guess I'm not so unique after all.

Memories of Lucasta

For English class my senior year in high school, we had an assignment to memorize any poem from our textbook that was 12 lines or more. Being the incredible scholar and amazing procrastinator that I am, I kept putting off this assignment. I went to school on the day it was due and had about 5 minutes before class began. I figured that was a good time to start reading poetry. I quickly scanned my book until I found a 12 line poem...I figured there was no need to go beyond the call of duty. In those 5 minutes, I read and re-read that poem until I felt that I could regurgitate it on command. I was successful, got an A on the assignment and figured that was the end of it. Interestingly though, from that day to this, even though more than 25 years have passed, I still remember that poem. I never read it again and had only spent those 5 minutes memorizing it, but somehow it stays in my mind year after year. The brain is an amazing thing, isn't it? Makes me wonder though, why is it that I can remember this poem but I can have trouble remembering people's names or what I ate yesterday?

So here is the poem, straight out of my head...I didn't check to see that I still have it word for word but, if not, I'm sure it is close:

To Lucasta On Going to War

by Richard Lovelace

Tell me not Sweet that I am unkind
That from the nunnery

Of thy chaste breast and quiet mind

To war and arms I fly

True a new mistress now I chase,

The first foe in the field

And with a stronger faith embrace

A horse, a sword, a shield

Yet this inconstancy is such,

That you too shall adore

I could not love thee dear so much

Loved I not honor more

A Look at the Year of the Rat

According to the Chinese Zodiac, 2008 was the year of the Rat (well, technically it was an Earth Rat year, but we don't need to go into that). I found the following characterization of a Rat year...

A Rat Year is a time of hard work, activity, and renewal. This is a good year to begin a new job, get married, launch a product or make a fresh start. Ventures begun now may not yield fast returns, but opportunities will come for people who are well prepared and resourceful. The best way for you to succeed is to be patient, let things develop slowly, and make the most of every opening you can find.

Hmm...I was unemployed and got divorced in 2008, so I'm not sure I would consider this accurate...I certainly did make a fresh start though...software engineer to massage therapist.

So let's just take a closer look at my Rat Year...here is a month by month listing of events, milestones, and various and sundry "stuff":

January

• New Year's Eve Party - armed only with a tux and a bottle of Dom, I went not knowing what to expect...ended up having an amazing time.
• Road Trip to Key West - took a month long road trip south, stopping off at Myrtle Beach, Charleston, Savannah, Ft Lauderdale, and, finally, Key West. This was an awesome trip and educational too...I learned a lot about Milk Duds

February

• Intuitive Reading Party - surf shop, commitments, buffets, and me giving readings upstairs...and so my adventures into intuition begin.

March

• Movie Nights at my Place - Bubba Ho-Tep, Harold and Kumar, Superbad & Team America...Fuck yeah!
• Potomac Point Winery - wine stained shirts, broken glasses, and now I own a barrel of wine.
• Began a relationship with an amazing woman - I lived, I laughed, I loved...learned so much and I think, just like the Grinch, my heart grew 3 sizes.

April

• One Year of Meetup - celebrated the anniversary of my entry into the meetup world with all my friends. Had a great time and I even ended up dancing in public...that's right there's even video evidence.
• EDM Bonfire - not really a major event in the grand scheme of things but it is such a good memory and I just remember being happy! happy! happy!
• Charlottesville Wine Trip - the frog hops at midnight...'nuff said.

May

• Costa Rica Trip - ziplining in the rain forest, rappelling through waterfalls, white water rafting and volcanic mud baths.

June

• Blind Wine Tasting - hijinx and hilarity and lots of red wine...and the only time I have ever seen every one of my friends dump a glass of wine

July

• Breaux's Key West Wine Festival - Nebbiolo served HOT and cheap psychic readings

August

• Trip to the Northwest - impromptu vacation to Washington and Oregon that included a trip to Mt St Helens, a climb up Mt Rainier, and a personal message for me from the universe.

September

• Divorce Court - not exactly a happy thing but it is what was needed. I actually managed to represent myself in this divorce...total cost $60...Mr DeLong, you may proceed.
• Sailing Vacation - spent a week sailing around Chesapeake Bay with two of my best friends...incredible meals, party island, dinghy docks and headlamps ("Is my daughter in there?")

October

• Marine Corps Marathon - first time I have run a marathon with no training...can you say pain? Still, not my worst time ever.
• Obama in Leesburg - amazing to experience firsthand the emotions behind his campaign...my status as a Republican may be in danger

November

• Shamanic Healing Class - went to Canada for a week to take a class on shamanic healing. Performed 3 or 4 healings and actually had someone tell me they thought I had a talent for it.

December

• Massage School - started a 7 month program that will turn me into a nationally certified massage therapist...quite a change from writing software. The goal is for this to get me that much closer to opening a healing center.
• Another Road Trip - ended the year the way I started it...road tripping to Florida to spend Christmas at the beach...and I had the bestest road companion ever.

All in all, I guess it was a very eventful year. I certainly did take quite a few trips. You know, looking at this list, I realize that, while 2008 had quite a few bad times in store for me, I had some of the best times of my life. I have memories that will keep me warm, glowing, and smiling for the rest of my life. Can't really complain too much about that.

So this post has gone on and on and it has rambled all over the place so in a last ditch effort to pretend that it is coherent, I will circle back and end as I began...with the Chinese Zodiac. I was born in the year of the Rabbit...so here is what the zodiac has to say about me...what do you think? Does it sound like me?

People born under the sign of the rabbit are gentle, sensitive, modest, and merciful and have strong memory. They like to communicate with others in a humorous manner. They cannot bear dull life, so they are good at creating romantic or interesting spice. But they lack meditative abilities and often sink money into ideas that may cause failures in their career.

Ghost of Christmas Past

With it being the Christmas season and all, I thought I would share a story of a Christmas past...

When I moved back to Virginia from Florida in October of '85, I got a job as a night auditor at a Holiday Inn. Night Auditor is essentially the person that works through the night (11pm - 7am), is the manager on duty (usually you are the only person there, so you are in charge) and balances what the registers say was taken in to the actual cash on hand. I was always good at balancing the books, so the actual work took only a few hours and then I was free to do what I wanted...usually sleep. However...many interesting things can happen in a hotel overnight, so very often it was worth my while to stay up and be entertained by the goings on.

One evening in December, when the hotel lobby was beautifully decorated with a Christmas tree and about a hundred gorgeous poinsetta plants, I arrived at work a little early...around 10:45. A little after midnight, soon after the hotel bar had closed, as I was going about my usual work routine, a man approached the desk. He started talking to me but I thought the way he began the conversation was a little strange...

"What time did you start working tonight?" he queried.

I replied, "My shift started at eleven, but I was actually here a little before that."

"Yes...yes, it must be you," he said.

As I said, I thought this a little odd, but I was distracted with my work and didn't really give it much thought. The man continued on...

"Today is my wife's birthday," he said. "And I really wanted to do something special for her."

So, I'm figuring that he wanted to buy a nice bottle of champagne from the bar for her but had found that the bar was closed. I started to prepare myself to tell him that there was nothing I could do, as I wasn't legally allowed to sell alcohol and didn't have the keys to the bar in any case.

"When we got here, around ten till eleven, my wife looked around and was really impressed."

Okay...now I'm thinking that his wife has a December birthday so feels a sort of affinity for Poinsettia plants. I will say, the hotel had done a magnificient job decorating and the Poinsettias were the prettiest ones I had ever seen. I'm sure that I wasn't supposed to, and probably would get in trouble if anyone found out, but I was going to tell the guy he could take a plant or two for his wife...with best wishes for a happy birthday.

"So...what I'm trying to say...that is...what my wife really wants and I would like to give her for her birthday...is another man."

Say what! Guess I was young and naieve, but I really hadn't seen that coming. I explained that I was on duty and could not leave the desk unattended. He looked a little crestfallen and gave me their room number...in case I changed my mind...and then wandered off.

From that day to this, I have never regretted my decision to pass on this offer...but I do wonder sometimes if there would have been some sort of gift bow involved.

On the Road Again

So, as I head south for warmer climes on a Christmas break cross-country road trip (why does cross-country seem to me as though it should apply only to East/West trips and not North/South...doesn't matter, I will be at the beach either way), a question occurs to me. What is it about the open road that quickens my heart and stirs my blood? Why do I get a glowing sense of happiness and smile for what seems no reason at all? I think it must be my sense of adventure, of the unknown, of rising up to meet life head on and just experiencing the glory of it. When I take a road trip, I have no definite plans, so I never know what I will see, who I will meet, or what I will experience. I tend to live fully in each moment as it comes, to go with the flow...to live it, experience it, learn from it and then move on. Rather than ask why I enjoy unplanned road trips, perhaps the better question is why I don't live every day of my life as if I were on one...hmm...food for thought there.

No One is to Blame...

So, for about the last day or so this song has been running through my head. Don't think I heard it recently...it just came bubbling up out of the dim recesses of the past and started circling around my brain...like the pheonix rising from the ashes of its death...or maybe more like the stench rising from a cowpie in which you have just stepped...yes, I think that is more like it. In any case, I thought I would borrow a page from Ryan's playbook and post the lyrics. Maybe there is some kind of message in there for me (kinda hope it isn't "Aspirations in the clouds but your hopes go down the drain")...maybe I am having some kind of flashback to the 80's (hey...they weren't THAT bad)...but hopefully publishing this here will purge it from my brain and restore my normal cranial soundtrack.

"No One is to Blame" - Howard Jones

You can look at the menu but you just cant eat
You can feel the cushions but you cant have a seat
You can dip your foot in the pool but you cant have a swim
You can feel the punishment but you cant commit the sin
And you want her and she wants you
We want everyone
And you want her and she wants you
No one, no one, no one ever is to blame
You can build a mansion but you just cant live in it
Youre the fastest runner but youre not allowed to win
Some break the rules
And live to count the cost
The insecurity is the thing that wont get lost
And you want her and she wants you
We want everyone
And you want her and she wants you
No one, no one, no one ever is to blame
You can see the summit but you cant reach it
Its the last piece of the puzzle but you just cant make it fit
Doctor says youre cured but you still feel the pain
Aspirations in the clouds but your hopes go down the drain
And you want her and she wants you
We want everyone
And you want her and she wants you
No one, no one, no one ever is to blame
No one ever is to blame
No one ever is to blame